


Wormhole

by fnowae



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Alternate Universes, Angst, How Do I Tag This, M/M, Ooohhhhhh boy, that's it that's the fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-03 04:11:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11524296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fnowae/pseuds/fnowae
Summary: "How are you so calm right now?" Patrick blurts out. "We've just ended up in another fucking dimension. You don't think this is the least bit weird?"





	1. A

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhhh yeah. This is what I think of on long plane flights. I am BACK in Hawaii, and once again the first thing I've done here is post. I have two and half more chapters of this written, so yeah, it'll actually update! What a concept!!
> 
> Enjoy!!

The wormhole has just been sitting there for at least a minute now, doing nothing but glowing and swirling menacingly, and Patrick is really starting to find it rather inconvenient. 

"It's blocking the TV," he complains, fully aware that he should probably have more plausible complaints about the literal fucking wormhole in his living room, but honestly he can't bring himself to find a reason to care. Besides, it isn't doing anything. Other than getting in the way of the movie, of course. 

"Uh...I don't think that's the biggest problem here," Joe comments, eyeing the wormhole fearfully. 

Patrick shrugs disdainfully. "I mean, if a random wormhole had to open up, it could have done it sometime when we weren't trying to have movie night. At the very least it could fucking _do something_."

Joe opens his mouth to respond to that, but before he can, the wormhole begins making a troubling whirring noise, and appears to develop its own gravitational pull that only affects people, because suddenly it's pulling Joe and Patrick into it. Joe, grabbing an arm of the couch as an anchor, discards his previous comment and settles for, "You _had_ to say that, didn't you?"

Patrick tries to grab the table to prevent himself from being thrown into the vortex, and frowns. "Well, it's certainly more interesting now."

Joe starts to say something again, but then his grip on the couch slips and he tumbles back towards the wormhole, slamming into Patrick as he goes. 

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," he mutters as they both fall back into the unknown. 

///

Patrick wakes up in a bed. 

This is an interesting development, seeing as the last thing he can remember is falling through a wormhole in his living room. Apparently sometimes wormholes lead to beds. He wonders if the sci-fi writers have gotten in on this engaging concept yet. Maybe he should write a book. 

He doesn't recognize the bed, or the room he's in. It's a bedroom, and a fairly nice one at that, but completely new to him. He's currently facing a wall adorned with posters and framed records. These, unlike the room itself, are familiar, namely because they're his. So, okay, this room is his. It seems very likely the wormhole has dumped him into some alternate dimension, which is a rather troubling concept. Who knows what this dimension is like?

Patrick rolls over, and finds himself staring at someone else. He's not alone in the bed. At first, he can't discern who he's with, but then he does. 

"Joe," he says quietly, poking at Joe's shoulder. "Hey. Wake up."

Joe blinks his eyes open slowly, and then stares at Patrick for a moment where it's obvious his brain hasn't quite registered his surroundings. Then, very slowly, he asks, "What's going on here?"

"You remember the wormhole, right?" Patrick asks him, hoping that this is in fact his Joe, and not Joe from whatever dimension he's tumbled into. Judging by his reaction after waking up, it probably is, but you can never be too sure. 

"Yes. What the fuck," Joe replies, frowning. He pushes himself up, looking around the room with the same confusion Patrick had looked at it with a minute ago. 

"I think we're in another dimension," Patrick tells him matter-of-factly, sitting up as well. He props himself up on his elbows and nods as if to affirm his own statement. 

Joe opens his mouth, then closes it, then repeats this as if he can't figure out what to say. Finally, he says, "We're in an alternate dimension where we're...sharing a bed?"

"So?" Patrick shrugs. "Maybe in this dimension we're roommates and we could only afford a tiny apartment. Maybe it was too cold. Or maybe-"

"This is a house, not an apartment. It's summer, judging by the fact it's fucking _hot_ in here." Joe cocks his head at Patrick almost challengingly. "What were you saying?"

Patrick looks around the room again, this time with a more critical eye. Yeah, some of his stuff is on the wall, but actually, so is some of Joe's. And Joe is right - this is a house. He can see a portion of a backyard through the room's window. He tries to figure out what to think of this information, and finally settles for a simple, "Huh."

"This is _our_ house," Joe continues. He takes a deep breath. "Holy shit, we've ended up in alternate universe where we're-"

"Sleeping under three blankets in summer! Dumb, right?" Patrick interrupts, giving his best impression of a non-nervous laugh. It doesn't work too well. 

"Patrick-" Joe starts. 

Patrick gets out of bed with more energy than he thinks he's ever had in his life, ever. "I'm going to look around."

Joe gives up with a heavy sigh. "Yeah, right, sure."

Patrick practically runs out of the room, not looking to see if Joe is following. He knows what Joe was going to say, and admittedly, he knows Joe is right, but he's hoping that maybe if he's lucky, he'll find something that proves that he was wrong anyway. It's possible, right? They've travelled to another dimension. Of course it's possible. Anything is. 

He exits the room into a hallway with the softest carpeting he's ever felt. He looks up at hallway wall and freezes. 

There goes his hope of proving Joe's theory wrong. 

The wall is covered in what must be at least a hundred pictures. They're pictures of Joe and Patrick - and not just normal pictures, they're pictures of Joe and Patrick on dates and holding hands and even _kissing_ and oh god there might be fucking _wedding photos_ here. 

"Oh," Patrick says weakly, even though there's no one listening. 

The photos remain in front of him, staring him in the face like a giant neon sign that says "You're In A Dimension Where You And Joe Are Married And You're Going To Have To Fucking Deal With That". He pauses to consider how weird that would look on a giant neon sign. 

"Oh, wow."

Patrick jumps a little in surprise and turns to see Joe standing behind him, leaning on the doorway and studying the photos intently. 

"This is..." Patrick starts weakly, trying to come up with anything that can actually describe what this is. He doesn't think it's possible. 

Joe nods in agreement, even though Patrick hadn't really said anything. "Yeah. It is."

Patrick remains silent, turning back to the pictures. Yeah, the ones on the right are all wedding photos. Patrick can't bring himself to look at them, but somehow he can't stop himself from looking either. 

"Aw, this one is cute," Joe pipes up from Patrick's left, and Patrick turns his head to look. Joe is looking at a photo obviously taken by someone else of them sitting on a bench in a park as the sun sets behind them. Joe is holding Patrick's hand tightly and grinning, and it looks like he must've said something funny right before the picture was taken, because Patrick's face is frozen mid-laugh. Patrick would find it cute if it was anyone else - but no, because it's them, because it _shouldn't_ be them, it makes him angry instead. 

He goes red and mutters, "Yeah, sure."

Joe raises an eyebrow questioningly. "Are you okay?"

"How are you so calm right now?" Patrick blurts out. "We've just ended up in another fucking dimension. You don't think this is the least bit weird?"

Joe opens his mouth and looks like he's going to say something, but then he closes it and stays quiet. He turns back to the photos and, instead of whatever he was going to say first, says, "Yeah, it's weird. But freaking out isn't going to get us back, is it?"

Patrick looks down at the carpeting, much preferring it to the pictures. It's a soft sky blue, and he fixates his eyes on the individual strands, trying to distract himself from the wall of photos that he's becoming increasingly sure are taunting him. He stares at the floor for an indeterminate amount of time, quiet. 

Joe breaks the silence. "Don't you want to look at the rest of the house?"

"Oh. Yeah. Good idea." Patrick nods, but internally he's hoping there's nothing like these photos anywhere else in the house. 

They leave the hallway and end up in a kitchen/dining room area, thankfully devoid of sappy romantic pictures on the walls. These walls, instead, are painted a painfully bright shade of yellow. 

"What, are the alternate versions of us colorblind?" Patrick asks. He actually has to squint against the over-saturated paint, or it feels like his eyes are burning. 

"Probably not," Joe says divisively. 

"How would you know?" Patrick asks, giving Joe a look. 

"Because we aren't now, are we?" Joe responds with a shrug. 

Patrick furrows his brow and asks, "I'm sorry, what?"

Joe looks thoughtful for a moment, then begins, "Well, if our alternate selves were colorblind, wouldn't we be now too?"

Patrick just stares at him, puzzled. 

"Haven't you stopped to wonder where they are, exactly?" Joe shrugs again, like Patrick should have thought about that as soon as he woke up here. "We probably should have run into them, shouldn't we? But we haven't. We've probably, like...basically become them. It's like body swap, but inter-dimensionally."

Missing the point entirely, Patrick blurts out, "Oh my god, are they in _our_ universe?"

"That's not what I was trying to say," Joe says, laughing a little. "My over-explained point is, we're really just borrowing the bodies of our alternate selves, so if they were colorblind, we would be."

Patrick ignores him and mutters, "They're in our universe."

Joe gives him a quizzical look. "I mean, probably."

"Oh my _god_ ," Patrick mumbles, squeezing his eyes shut. 

Joe snorts. "If you're afraid they're going to, like, be super romantic in front of everyone in our dimension, I wouldn't be worried about it. They're probably experiencing this exactly as we are, and they're going to need to pretend to be us just like we're probably going to need to pretend to be them."

"We're going to have to _what_ ," Patrick says flatly, his eyes flying open again. 

Joe frowns. "Well, unless you want to run around telling everyone we're from another dimension, it's probably a good idea to try and act like we're-"

"We don't even know they're _publicly_ together," Patrick cuts him off, laughing nervously and shaking his head. "Maybe no one knows."

Joe's frown deepens. "I mean, I guess it's possible, but-"

"We should probably figure that out right now but also not talk about it!" Patrick interrupts, eyes shifting around the room quickly. His gaze lands on a laptop on the kitchen counter that he recognizes as his, and he quickly goes over to it, opening it shakily. If there's one surefire way to prove that there's nothing to worry about, it's the internet. 

Joe follows him over to the laptop, looking confused, but not saying anything as Patrick hurriedly opens google and types in "joe trohman and patrick stump", ignoring the fact that his laptop's background is one of the wedding photos. 

His heart drops as google immediately suggests the search "joe trohman and patrick stump wedding", but he presses enter anyway. 

Google images unhelpfully offers him the wedding photos that he's become so fed up with, and then offers him hundreds more photos that just cement the fact that, yeah, they are _very_ publicly together. 

One of the first pages google suggests is Joe's Instagram, so Patrick reluctantly clicks on it, just to get it over with. And of course, Joe's Instagram is just a huge collection of more photos of them. The most recent was posted fourteen hours ago and is of the two of them just sitting together. Patrick is grinning at the camera, and Joe is turned towards Patrick, grinning at him instead. The caption is " _love this guy_ ". Patrick makes a face. 

"Aw," Joe says, looking over Patrick's shoulder, startling Patrick. "That's sweet."

"Sure," Patrick mumbles, frowning. Then something occurs to him. He finds his own Instagram, wondering if it's possible he's actually-

Yeah, it's possible. 

Apparently in this universe he has returned to posting just to plaster more pictures of him and Joe together all over the internet. It's almost enough to make him sick. The recent on his own page was just ten hours ago, and it's just a picture of Joe, asleep in the bed they'd woken up in. The caption is " _he's cute when he sleeps but I think he forgot our anniversary's tomorrow_ ". 

"Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me," Patrick mumbles, glaring at the screen. 

"It's our anniversary?" Joe asks, surprised. "Wow. Holy shit."

"That's just great. That's just fucking great." Patrick shakes his head, closing the laptop, unable to look at it any longer. "Not only are we married in this universe, we're _that_ couple."

"What do you mean?" Joe asks. 

"You know. _That_ couple," Patrick elaborates unspecifically. "The one that's so cute that it's kind of gross."

"So you're saying we're a cute couple," Joe says, amused. 

"No," Patrick responds, frowning. "I didn't say that."

"But-" Joe starts. 

He interrupted not by Patrick this time, but by someone ringing the doorbell. 

"Oh god, who the hell is that?" Patrick says quietly. 

"I don't know. But whoever it is...remember what I said about acting like we're supposed to be here?" Joe asks, shooting Patrick with a piercing glare. 

"Yeah?" Patrick responds quietly.

" _Do it._ "


	2. B

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So what happened to the other Joe and Patrick?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided this is gonna update weekly. So here it is! Chapter two! In which we follow the alternate versions of Joe and Patrick, who...aren't doing as well. 
> 
> I have a couple more chapters written, miraculously, and I have a 5 hour plane flight today, so hopefully more gets done. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Patrick comes to on a couch, which is confusing, because he's pretty sure that last he remembers, he was in bed. Then he remembers a little further, and sits straight up. 

The credits to an unknown movie are rolling on the screen of the television across the room, and dramatic music is blasting from the speakers. Patrick doesn't recognize this place at first, but then he does. It's an apartment he used to live in before he and Joe moved in together. But he'd barely lived here at all, and it was years ago anyway. What is he doing back here after all this time?

Patrick's first thought is that he's time travelled. He remembers some kind of portal - had it thrown him back in time? 

He stands up from the couch, and now that he's up, he realizes he wasn't alone on the couch. Joe is sitting there, still unconscious. Patrick frowns. Right. Whatever that portal had been, it had taken Joe too. But why are they here, of all places?

He makes his way around the couch, and spots a phone that he guesses is his on the small kitchen counter. He goes over and grabs it, turning it on. 

The first thing that strikes him is that his background is different. It should be the picture Pete had snuck when he'd decided to follow Patrick and Joe around on their first date, the one at the park. But instead it's just one of the preset iPhone backgrounds. Patrick has never hated a photo of the ocean more than he does right now. 

The second thing the strikes him is the date on the display. It reads _July 26, 2017._ There's nothing wrong with this, which, in essence, is what's wrong with it. His time travel theory is busted, because today is exactly what it's supposed to be. And he's sure of it, because it's his and Joe's anniversary. 

But something is still wrong. They should be in their house, not his old apartment. His phone background should be their first date, not the default ocean picture. And there's still the question of what the weird vortex had done. 

Something is definitely very, very wrong here. 

He looks around the apartment, frowning. Another issue arises - the apartment is full of his stuff, but nothing here is Joe's. So he's not living with Joe? That can't be right. 

It slams into him like a punch to the gut. The mystery vortex didn't send them back in time - it sent them to _another universe._

That's the only explanation Patrick can come up with. It would certainly explain why he still lives in this apartment, why he and Joe don't live together, why his phone background is a meaningless stock photo. It's another dimension, and unfortunately, it seems it's one when he and Joe never got together. 

Patrick stares at his phone screen a little longer. He unlocks his phone, thankful that his passcode is still the same, and is disappointed that his home screen is still just the ocean stock photo, when it should be one of their wedding photos. He continues staring sadly at the bland (though admittedly pretty) ocean photo, until he's pulled from his thoughts by a voice from the couch. 

"Why are we _here_?"

Patrick spins around to see Joe sitting up on the couch, frowning as he surveys the apartment. 

Patrick says nothing, and Joe continues. "I haven't seen this place in _years_. How'd we end up back here?"

"Uh, I think," Patrick starts, aware his previously apparently solid logic suddenly seems ridiculous. "I think...we're in another dimension?"

Joe, to his credit, doesn't seem to give any fucks about this. He just says, "Oh, that wormhole thing."

"Yeah," Patrick agrees, unsure what else to say. 

"Huh. So why here?" Joe asks. "Don't get me wrong, I like this apartment just fine, but why aren't we home?"

Patrick bites his lip. "Well, I think...in this version of reality...this _is_ home."

Joe laughs. "You would've thought we'd have moved out by now."

"Um." Patrick gives him an apologetic look. "You, uh...you don't live here."

"What?" Joe asks, surprised. 

"I don't think you live here," Patrick repeats. "Joe, uh...in this universe...I don't think we're together."

Joe's eyes widen. "Seriously?"

Patrick nods, wincing. "Yeah."

For a second, Joe looks like he's going to be upset, but he suddenly breaks into a grin instead. "Wow, is there really a universe where we don't figure our shit out?"

"Apparently," Patrick answers, finding himself smiling as well. 

"Huh." Joe nods slowly, looking around the apartment one last time. Then he says, "Wow, this is fucking wild."

"Tell me about it," Patrick agrees with a little laugh. 

They both fall silent for a moment, unsure what to say or do next, but then Joe sits back down and pats the couch next to him. "Come on. Let's sit."

Patrick does this without any protest, carrying his stock-photo-backgrounded phone with him and setting it on the table. He settles into the old fabric of the couch, and instinctively leans his head into Joe's shoulder. 

"Happy anniversary to us, I guess," Joe jokes. 

"You remembered!" Patrick exclaims, beaming. 

"Of course I did," Joe says with a laugh. "I had plans, too. I invited Pete and Andy over and we were going to hang out all day and then the two of us were going to go out for a big romantic dinner. I had reservations at a super nice restaurant and everything." He adds a bit sarcastically, "I suppose spending it in another dimension is okay too."

Patrick's face falls as a sudden concern occurs to him. "How are we supposed to get back?"

Patrick can feel Joe go tense against him. For a while, he doesn't answer, but he finally just says, "I don't know."

"Why are we here in the first place?" Patrick continues, and as more and more questions come to him, he continues to ask them. "What happened to the other versions of us? Are we going to be stuck here forever? Should we be acting like we aren't together? Would people in this universe be concerned if we acted like we were? How can we possibly-"

"Babe, calm down," Joe interrupts him, moving to wrap an arm around Patrick's shoulders. He seems like he's about to continue, but Patrick interrupts him before he can. 

"No, no, see, that's just it," he says worriedly. "Are we breaking the fabric of the universe by acting like a couple when we aren't supposed to be?"

"Are you actually asking me if me calling you babe is going to break the universe?" Joe asks, and laughs, but when he turns and sees Patrick's face, his smile falls. "Oh my god, you're serious."

"Of course I am!" Patrick reluctantly pulls himself away from Joe, and his stomach twists when Joe's face breaks. "No, no, hey, I'm sorry, I just...I really, actually think that might be a problem. Like, maybe we should just...tone it down. I really don't want to-"

"You don't want to what?" Joe's face contorts. "Be together? Is this your way of breaking up with me?"

"What the fuck?" Patrick gapes, trying to figure out how Joe had jumped from protecting the fabric of reality to breaking up. "Jesus Christ, Joe, we've just ended up in another fucking dimension, do you really not understand that accidentally altering the fabric of the universe is also totally possible?"

"What does it hurt if no one is here? I can understand not being super romantic around people when we aren't supposed to be together, but alone?" Joe spits back. Suddenly, he's standing up, arms crossed, looking down at Patrick. He's upset. Patrick winces. Where did this conversation suddenly go so wrong? 

"I don't know, that's the thing, we have no idea how we even got here, so how are we supposed to know what would..." Patrick's voice trails off. He doesn't know what to say. He doesn't think finishing his thought would help. 

"You know what, I think I should try and figure out where I'm supposed to live in this universe." Joe's face is red. "It might be a good idea to know."

"Joe-" Patrick starts, struggling to find a way to salvage this, any way at all. 

"Because we're not supposed to be together, right?" Joe continues bitterly. "Oh, I'm sorry. _Not in this universe_. Right."

"Wait-" Patrick begins, standing up as well, but Joe is already halfway to the apartment door. 

He storms out without saying anything else. Patrick can only watch as he leaves. He seems to run into someone on the way out, and he yells, "Watch where you're fucking going!" before disappearing from Patrick's sight entirely. 

Joe is suddenly replaced by someone else, presumably whoever he'd bumped into, who is now standing in the doorway and looking surprised. 

"What the hell did you do to him?"

"Uh." Patrick blinks. "Pete."

"Yeah, hi, what the fuck?" Pete responds, walking straight into Patrick's apartment and slamming the door behind him. "What did you do, reject him?"

"W - what?" Patrick stutters out. His mind is going a mile a minute trying to figure out what the hell had just happened, and it doesn't help that new, confusing things keep coming at him. 

"He was coming over here to ask you out!" Pete says, gaping. "I was here because I was going to make sure it went well!"

"He was what?" Patrick asks, trying to catch up. Maybe they _were_ about to figure their shit out in this universe after all. What great fucking timing that was. 

Pete's eyes go wide. "Oh god, he didn't, did he? He stormed out for a completely fucking unrelated reason."

Patrick opens his mouth to speak, then closes it. He doesn't know what to say without admitting that he's, well, from another fucking dimension, which he would prefer not to mention right now. 

And besides, he thinks bitterly, it wasn't a completely unrelated reason after all. 

Pete takes Patrick's silence as an affirmation. "Fuck, he didn't tell you, and now I just told you anyway, and I wasn't supposed to tell you, I'm sorry-"

"It's fine," Patrick cuts him off. Tears are starting to form in his eyes, and no matter how hard he tries, he can't make them stop. 

Pete notices, and his face turns from regret to concern. "Holy fuck, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Patrick lies, even as unwelcome tears begin to roll down his cheeks. 

Pete crosses the room as quickly as possible. "What the hell happened?"

"I don't even know," Patrick replies, and it's not really a lie. His mind still can't quite catch up with the events of the past few minutes. None of this feels real. It's all too weird, too sudden, too wrong. He doesn't like this. Not one bit. 

Pete closes the last bit of distance between them in two long steps and pulls Patrick into a hug. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."

"It's a long story," Patrick says, which also isn't a lie. It's also not a long story he wants to share. The longer he can keep Pete thinking he belongs in this universe, the better. 

"If you don't want to talk about it, that's alright," Pete tells him reassuringly. 

"Thank you." Patrick is happy that, even if this isn't the best universe, he at least still has Pete as a friend here. If he can't have Joe as an inter-dimensional constant, he'll take this. 

Not that he wouldn't prefer to have Joe. 

Pete steps back and looks to the TV. "What movie were you watching?"

"Uh." Patrick doesn't actually know, but luckily he's saved by Pete noticing the DVD case on the table. 

"Spaceballs? Nice," he says, nodding in approval. 

"Oh. Yeah." Patrick gives Pete his best "yeah, I definitely knew what movie I was watching" smile and matching nod. 

Pete turns back to Patrick. "You want to watch something else? Would that help?"

"Oh. Uh." Patrick is taken by surprise, and just shrugs. "You choose."

"Breakfast Club it is," Pete says, flashing Patrick a smile. "Definitely a feel-good film."

"I don't know if I'd really call it that," Patrick says doubtfully, but he finds himself feeling better already, enough so that his tears have already dried and he can bring himself to flash a smile at Pete. 

"That's your problem," Pete informs him, sticking his tongue out, and getting a laugh out of Patrick. "I'm still putting it in."

Patrick takes a seat on the couch as Pete busies himself getting the movie on. 

His thoughts inevitably wander back to Joe, but he pushes that away. He needs to process a little more before he thinks about that again. In fact, he tries to push away every reoccurring thought that could possibly upset him again. 

He's left wondering what happened to the alternate version of him and Joe. He just hopes that, wherever they are, they're faring better than this.


	3. A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to update this yesterday! Sorry guys!

"Did you really just wake up?"

Patrick just stares at Pete, surprised. He wonders what the hell Pete and Andy are doing here. He hopes he isn't supposed to know, because he doesn't want them catching on that he's not from this universe. 

"Yeah, why?" Joe asks from his position slightly in front of Patrick. He was the one who had actually opened the door, and he had forced Patrick to stand back, because he'd decided he didn't trust Patrick's ability to act like the version of himself he was supposed to be, and had instead declared himself in charge of basically everything. Which was a questionable choice at best. 

"Because I was starting to worry you just thought pajamas were passable as everyday clothes," Pete responds, grinning. Patrick finds himself thinking that at least Pete's borderline asshole-ish remarks are a constant in any dimension, which is more of a comfort than it should be. 

"Ha ha. What are you doing here?" Joe asks, raising an eyebrow. 

Patrick winces. Joe shouldn't have appointed himself "mission leader" or whatever the fuck he's trying to be if he actually thought asking that was a good idea. It's obvious they're probably supposed to know why their friends have shown up. 

But Pete just laughs. "Oh, are we supposed to pretend we just showed up on a whim? Didn't want to admit you invited us to crash your anniversary? Sorry, Trohman, should've planned ahead, hm?"

Patrick lets out a sigh of relief that he hopes isn't visible. So at least _he_ wasn't supposed to know about this. Joe apparently was, but he bluffs pretty well. 

"Yeah, well, judging by the state of your hair, you should've planned ahead too," Joe responds with a grin, because if there's anything that'll make it seem like he knows what he's talking about, it's jokingly insulting Pete's hair. Well, probably. 

It seems to work well enough, though, because Pete just grins back. 

"Happy anniversary," Andy pipes up with a small smile. "We were going to get you something, but Pete spent a fuckton of money getting us _first class_ plane tickets, so-"

"Fuck off, I wanted the complimentary tiny water bottles!" Pete interrupts with a laugh. 

Patrick tries not to show his surprise at the mention of plane tickets. Do he and Joe really live that far from Pete and Andy? He files it under the growing list of things he needs to figure out about this universe. 

"It's fine, we don't need gifts," Joe tells him with a smile. 

"If you say something about how all you need is each other I'm gonna vomit on your nice wood floor," Pete informs them, making a face. 

"Oh, I'd be vomiting too," Patrick says before he can consider that that might be out of character, but it doesn't _look_ like Pete or Andy find anything wrong with this, so he hopes that it was an okay thing to say. 

"Can we come in?" Andy asks. 

"Oh, right!" Joe says, stepping back so Andy and Pete can go past him. 

"We visited you guys two months ago, and in that time you managed to paint your walls the most obnoxious color known to man," Pete says once he gets a look at the kitchen. 

"Told you it's too bright," Patrick says to Joe, raising an eyebrow. 

"It looks _fine_ ," Joe replies, laughing a little. 

"We aren't here to critique your horrible interior decorating choices," Andy says, smiling. 

"Aw, really?" Pete crosses his arms. "Well, there goes my only reason to come."

"You mean you forgot Scrabble?" Joe asks, feigning offense. Patrick gives him a confused look, and he mouths "trust me" back. 

"Oh, I did not forget Scrabble," Pete responds, smirking. "And I'm going to win, as usual."

With this, he breezes past Joe and Patrick to a shelf Patrick hadn't noticed before, which contains stacks upon stacks of board games, and pulls down Scrabble, setting the box down onto the dining room table. Andy goes to join him, leaving Joe and Patrick behind. 

Patrick leans towards Joe and whispers, "How did you know we were supposed to play Scrabble?"

Joe grins and whispers back. "There's a note in my handwriting on today's date on the calendar in the kitchen that says 'today's the day I finally beat Pete in Scrabble'. I put two and two together."

Patrick is impressed. He hadn't even noticed a calendar in the kitchen. Joe is obviously paying more attention than he is. Maybe he should be in charge of this shit after all. 

"Uh, hey, don't mean to interrupt your undoubtedly super cute and romantic secret conversation over there, but Scrabble!" Pete calls from the table. 

"Yeah, yeah," Joe says, grinning and walking over to join Pete and Andy. Patrick follows close behind. 

They sit down at the four-seated table, across from where Pete and Andy are already sitting. Pete has already set the game board out. For a moment, Patrick thinks Pete is looking at them weird, but the next moment Pete is grinning again, so Patrick is sure he'd just imagined it. 

"Alright, Joe, as usual, you're first," Andy says, nodding to Joe. 

Joe is thoughtful for a moment, then puts down _EXTRA_ in the center of the board. 

"Really? That's your move?" Pete asks, raising a questioning eyebrow. 

"Yeah, what, think you're going to lose this time?" Joe challenges, mirroring Pete's expression. 

"Of course not," Pete says, and adds onto the X, spelling _OXEN._

"Nice," Joe says, nodding, then smirks. "But not nice enough."

Patrick realizes Pete and Andy's eyes are on him, and he asks, "Oh, my turn?"

"Of course it's your turn," Pete says matter-of-factly. Patrick nods shakily. Was he supposed to have known that? Shit. 

Patrick plays _NUANCE_ on Pete's N, and he's pretty proud of it, too. He's usually horrible at this game. 

Andy goes next, playing _CRISP_ on the C in _NUANCE_. It goes back to Joe, who starts to make a move, but as soon as he's set an S tile on the board, Pete stands up out of his chair and exclaims, "I can't do this anymore!"

"Huh?" Patrick asks. He really hopes that this is something normal in this dimension he's supposed to know about. 

It's not. 

"Who the fuck are you people?" Pete asks, looking between Patrick and Joe suspiciously. 

Patrick goes pale. Oh god. Pete's onto them. But how? He can't think of anything obviously suspicious they've done. 

"What?" Joe speaks up nervously, staring back at Pete. 

Pete turns to Andy and asks, "You're noticing this shit too, right?"

Andy frowns. "Yeah, but I wasn't going to _say anything_."

Pete turns back to Joe and Patrick. "You _cannot_ be Joe and Patrick."

"What?" Joe repeats, and at the same time, Patrick asks, "Why?"

Pete narrows his eyes. "You didn't know we were coming. You haven't said one grossly romantic thing to each other this entire time. You're sitting in the wrong seats at the table. You always sit the other way around! Always! I've never seen you two manage to spend more than a minute without at least holding hands! Patrick always goes second at Scrabble, not third! And Joe always just plays 'A' as his first word because he thinks it's funny!"

"Oh," Patrick says quietly. Why did he think they could pull this off? Of course there's a ton of shit like that they couldn't have possibly known about. Of course they couldn't have kept up the act. 

"Who the hell are you?" Pete asks, crossing his arms and quirking an eyebrow. 

Joe and Patrick share a look, and in that split second they mutually decide to be honest. 

Joe turns to Pete and Andy. "We _are_ Joe and Patrick. But..." He sighs. "We're not _your_ Joe and Patrick."

"What?" Pete asks, some mixture of confused and surprised. 

"We, uh," Patrick starts, picking up where Joe had left off, "came here from...an alternate universe."

Pete and Andy are silent, and for a moment Patrick thinks they're not going to believe him, but then Andy speaks. 

"That would explain a lot," he says simply, casually, as if this sort of shit happens to him every day. 

"Where...where we're from, we're...um, we're not together," Joe explains nervously, finishing their story, at least for the most part. 

"Huh," Pete says, eyes wide, surprise written all over his face. "That's...wow. I always thought you two were the kind of people who would end up together no matter what. I...guess not."

"Uh, yeah," Patrick says weakly, unsure how else to reply to that. Next to him, Joe has mysteriously gone red. 

"So that's why you've been acting weird," Andy says, nodding as if inter-dimensional travel just makes perfect fucking sense to him. 

"Yeah," Patrick replies, nodding almost apologetically. 

"So where _are_ our Joe and Patrick?" Pete asks, puzzled. 

"We think they're stuck in our universe," Joe answers. "We've essentially...switched places."

"Why, though?" Pete asks. 

"Wish we knew," Patrick says, followed by a clipped laugh. "Maybe then we could actually get back."

"You don't know how to get back?" Andy asks, frowning. 

"Nope." Joe shakes his head sadly. "We'd love to give you your versions of us back, really, but we have no fucking idea how."

"Well, fuck," Pete responds, which essentially sums up the entire situation in two words. 

"The most we can hope for is that they're doing okay in our dimension," Patrick says, his voice unstoppably hopeful. 

Andy smiles softly. "I'm sure they are."

**Author's Note:**

> as always, hmu at my Tumblr: vicesandvelociraptors
> 
> and I appreciate comments, thanks!
> 
> thanks for reading!!!


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